Monday, December 7, 2015

Irritating

Setakat aku kenal diri aku, makin banyak aku nampak kata-kata atau kononnya pengajaran hidup, makin aku akan menidakkan benda itu. Aku akan cari sebab kenapa benda itu tidak betul. Bukan kerana aku nak aku betul tetapi hidup bukan hitam putih. Bukan hanya kata-kata itu benar, dalam setengah situasi kata-kata itu salah. 

Dan aku rasa orang yang sukakan kata-kata cliche macam itu lupa yang hidup bukan sekadar itu. Hidup ini luas. Kalau nak disamakan dengan mathematik, jawapan bagi hiudp adalah "infinitely many".

Stay out from the cliche.

Salah satu benda yang aku rimas bila orang cakap tentang orang ambil kesempatan keatas diri dia. Aku rasa aku pernah juga cakap benda ni atau rasa situasi seperti itu-zaman remaja. Mungkin aku terpengaruh dengan orang sekeliling.

Tapi bila difikirkan kembali, kita yang bagi peluang untuk orang ambil kesempatan keatas kita. Kenapa kita nak salahkan orang tu? Dan kalau orang ambil kesempatan keatas kebaikkan kita, dan kita pertikaikan balik, adakah kita betul-betul ikhlas tolong?

Untuk ikhlas, aku rasa perasaan orang ambil kesempatan keatas kita tidak sepatutnya wujud. Aku rasa dah lama aku tak rasa orang ambil kesempatan keatas aku, tetapi bukan sebab aku ihklas ka apa, tapi sebab aku tak pernah bagi kesempatan dekat orang untuk ambil kesempatan keatas aku.

Kalau aku taknak buat, aku cakap. Kalau aku nak tolong, aku tolong saja la. Aku takkan buat benda yang aku taknak buat. Kawan-kawan aku bukan kanak-kanak, orang yang aku kenal semua dewasa, untuk mengatakan tidak bukanlah sesuatu yang kejam. Aku percaya yang orang memahami bagaimana aku faham bila orang tolak untuk menolong.

'Rejection' is part of life.

Soal maaf juga buat aku rimas. Banyak ayat soal maafkan seseorang yang cliche, yang konon nak sedapkan hati sendiri. Boleh nampak dari kata-kata itu, anda tidak ada hati untuk maafkan pun. Dari perspektif aku, anda cuma ingin orang lain berpihak kepada anda. Untuk menaikkan saham anda sebagai orang yang baik tapi anda tidak boleh menipu aku. Aku sudah biasa dengan manusia begini. Cakap lebih dari yang buat.

Konklusinya aku benci kata-kata berkaitan dengan hidup, bagaimana aku patut hidup, erti hidup. Bukan hanya hidup tapi sebagai anak, kawan, pelajar dan lain-lain. 

Aku ingin cari cara itu sendiri, erti sambil menghayati hidup ini. Aku ingin mencipta aku punya kata-kata. Aku ingin mencipta definisi untuk segala dan mencipta kamus hidup aku sendiri.





Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Bless



I'm not a fortunate person. If people know, they may say that I'm unlucky. They would never wear my shoes! But even with all the tragedies, the hates, the misfortunes, the flaws and all the sadness, I can still say that I am bless.

Not because I am at peace, not because my life is perfect (which it never will) but because of people around me - My family and friends!

They are the reason I am here today. For I am and what I am.

I feel bless because of them. 

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Aku Anak Singkong

Dengan banyak isu pengajian tinggi sekarang ini, aku saja nak kongsi rasa hormat dan kagum aku buat teman-teman Indonesia.

Kalau di Malaysia, masih ada yang pandang rendah akan Indonesia. Mungkin kerana negaranya tidak semaju kita (sungguh pun tidaklah ketara mana). Mungkin kerana kebanyakkan yang kerja di Malaysia hanyalah buruh dan pekerja kilang semata.

Tetapi dari dulu aku memang suka akan orang Indonesia. Aku juga boleh dikatakan di besarkan dengan bantuan orang Indonesia. Ibu bapa aku mengambil seorang warga Indonesia bekerja sebagai pembantu rumah, untuk membantu ibu aku menjaga anak-anak. Tika kecil aku selalu teman pembantu rumah aku berjumpa dengan teman Indonesianya yang lain di sebelah taman. Dengar mereka bertutur dalam bahasa Indonesia. Dan bagi aku, warga Indonesialah yang paling 'chill'. Mereka tidak 'judgemental'. Apa yang diceritakan kebanyakkan tentang keluarga mereka and kesusahan bekerja.

Sejak aku datang ke jerman, pada mulanya aku tidak kenal seorang pun warga Indonesia. Tetapi mungkin jodoh itu ada, aku pun bertemu dengan Rahmah. Mula pertemuan, semestinya agak kekok. Tapi kami tetap ada punya rasa yang sama, punya hati yang sama.

Masa aku dengan syahirah sudah mendapat rumah, kami jemput Rahmah untuk tinggal bersama. Rahmah tinggal di hostel universiti, namun dia kurang gemar tinggal di situ kerana tandas dan dapur di kongsi. Dia pernah dimarahi kerana memasak dll. Biasalah masakkan kita bau kuat.

Warga Indonesia juga tidak ramai di Mannheim. Ramainya dia daerah atas Jerman seperti Berlin. Warga Malaysia pun tidak ramai ketika itu. Sekarang boleh tahan ramai. Selepas selalu bersama, makin ramai teman-teman Indonesia yang aku mula kenal. Baiklah, tidaklah ramai mana yang aku kenal. 3-5 orang, lain-lain cuma pernah berjumpa sahaja.

Yang bagusnya mereka ini kebanyakkan tidak punya scholarship atau sponsorship. Rakan indonesia aku cakap di sana susah untuk masuk universiti kerajaan, dan universiti swasta pula mahal, harganya hampir sama belajar di Jerman. Lebih baik di Jerman, walaupun belajar sambil kerja, masih lumayan katanya.

Aku di sini banyak kali juga ingin bekerja tetapi selalu tewas dengan kemalasan diri. Sekarang ini aku ada masalah dengan pembelajaran aku, aku rasa mahu saja pulang ke Malaysia dan belajar di sana.

Perkara yang membuat aku bertahan adalah teman Indonesia yang aku kenal. Mereka boleh hidup dan teruskan. Semestinya aku pun boleh. Aku perlu kuat. Rezeki itu ada sahaja di mana-mana. Moga Allah sentiasa memberkati hidup teman-teman Indonesiaku.

Moga aku dapat bercuti di sana suatu hari nanti..


Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Coimetrophile

Coimetrophobia is having the fear of cemeteries, while coimetrophile is the opposite.

I'm not obsess with cemetery but I do like them.
My reason is simple, it's peaceful.

Doesn't matter if it's Jew, Christians, Muslim etc. And I find them beautiful, the details that they put for the dead. Some grave is just mark by a stone, some has a big statue above them.

It also make me wonder about the dead. What was their life like? My mind often wonder when I visit cemeteries. So much stories untold.

Besides, cemeteries are well connected with religion. Every time I pass or visit a cemetery, it always reminds me of God. Warm and Comforting.
Funny. It's the same feeling I have when I visit mosque and other worship places.

I never have the fear of cemetery. I don't know what to be scare of. Cemetery has never gave me the goosebumps. Beside my grandmother house lay a small cemetery, about 1 meter near. I used to play there with my cousin. We would jump around, tried not to step on any of the grave or a ghost will haunt us! Muahahahahahh...

I'm a freaking weirdo.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Paris

If you're a Malaysian student here in Europe, your Malaysian friends will tell you how horrible Paris is, without a doubt. They said that it smells bad, a lots of rude people, illegal immigrants and so on.

What have I experience was different. Maybe it's true about what people said,"When you're being positive, everything around you just fall to places." Of course I encountered some problems there but that just a normal travelling problems - got lost, hustlers, etc. Anyway, I had the times of my life. I wish to go back!

So we arrived there at night, not much to do. We stayed in a hotel, very classic one, it has a small elevator which fit maximum 2 people. It's about 20 min from the main city, but it has everything near by - restaurant, grocery stores. The owner cannot speak English that well but good enough to help you and answer your questions. Oh and breakfast is included.

First we just strolled along the city, tried to reach the Eiffel tower. On our way we passed lots of other significant buildings. Well every buildings in Paris are beautiful. You can just get lost in it and you wouldn't mind at all. 









Paris is well known as the city of love. For me the love was not about it is full with couples but what I saw was the love in the architecture. I fall in love with the architecture. The details bring out a lovely atmosphere. 

I want to list down all the buildings that I visited but i'm too lazy right now. Besides all of these buildings are pretty famous so you can just google them. 







Since my friends and I can see the Eiffel tower, we decided to walk. It was a bad idea, it's quite far from where we were. We are just not that fit. So here are pictures of us, resting. 

Oh I forget to tell you that it was 31st December 2014. Because it was new year's eve the train was free till 12 pm the next day (I'm not quite remember the duration, I hope I got it right).






Tadaaa! Here is the famous Eiffel Tower. Actually this was the second time I've been here. Last time I went up, the view is beautiful. You can see how big Paris is. I think it is worth the waiting in long line.

Here at this area, there's lots of people trying to sell you stuffs, souvenirs. Don't get irritated, they just want to make money. And honestly those people who tying to sell you key-chain are far better than the one who tried to let you signed some paper and demand for money (scams). Just smile and say no. 




What was the fun of being in France without trying the famous escargot. 
Oui, monsieur. Je mange des Escargots. It is delicious. Inexpensive too. Totally recommended. 






One of other things that the Malaysians always complaining about Paris is the trains. I see nothing wrong with it. It is, of course, has the different types trains and style of operation but by day two, I got the hang of it. They complained that it is dirty, smelly etc. Maybe because I don't come from a luxurious family background, I think it's okay.

Heyy, the trains here in Germany during summer and football seasons smell much worst! And I rode the trains in Paris after celebrating New Year. It was packed as Tuna and still not that bad.





So here I want to tell the story about my lucky butt! Paris never celebrate New Year for like centuries and they decided to celebrate it during my visit there. I was a part of history. They did it at Arc de Triumph. Good thing we google it or we would have miss the celebration by being at the Eiffel tower. 

But I celebrate New Year with Syera, the others went back to the hotel because they were tired. They tried to went out at 9-10 pm but the trains were so full they couldn't come and join us. 

I tell you. Celebrating New Year at Arc de Triumph was my highlight of the year. It was magical. We did get lost before we got to Arc de Triumph. 

There was also time that I wanted to pee so bad but I couldn't find a toilet, well, I did found one but it was broken. I asked the police patrol, surprisingly they speak good English. And this one helpful police that saw me seem lost while I was searching for toilet, quite embarrass about that tho because I wanted to approach him but he seemed busy so I hesitated. End up he asked me what was wrong. I used the toilet in this one fancy restaurant, the owner was kind enough to let me used them.







While we were waiting for New Year, we went for a drink of coffee. Again got lost (Women, ayy). We tired to find our way around. It was crowded. I remember being stuck in the crowd and a white blond man, shouting with his friends and saw me in the crowd and smile as he said salam I don't think he's Muslim tho.

As we were in front of Arc de Triumph, there were lots of people waiting for New Year with their family and friends. They have champagne in their hand. I also saw the Algerians (good looking too) waving their flag after the countdown. There were a lots of people from around the world. 

Oh without a doubt Paris is the center of fashion. It was so cold and the women don't give a fuck! They wore short skirt and heels - beautiful and fancy. The men are also very nice dress. I also saw some crazy fashion. It was Amazeballs! 

Going back home was a struggle but we did get home save.









The next day, we roaming around. We went to the famous bridge, Pont de l'ArchevĂȘchĂ©. Unfortunately the bridge was covered. The padlocks were just too many and the bridge cannot support the weight. We bought a padlock and wrote our name but it is on the other bridge.






We went our separate way for lunch and promised to meet back. Syera and I decided to visit a mosque in Paris. It's not that big but it has been there for ages. This mosque used to protect Jews during the Holocaust. It also have halal restaurant near it, but we already eaten.





Since it was winter, it got dark early. These pictures down below, I think it was around 5-6 pm. We got some time to kill. These cathedral is so beautiful, Notre Dame de Paris  and the buildings around this cathedral compliment it.  You know the Disney Movie 'The Hunchback of Notre-Dame', right? Kinda nice to see one of the building in real life that was a part of your childhood. 









As we walked around we stumbled upon this place. I felt so disappointed not knowing there was an outdoor ice skating ring there because I really want to skate outdoor! My butt ain't that lucky after all. But I did find this place, which is nice.

Funny story which is not that funny: I asked the information counter how can I go to Notre-Dame because I wasn't quite sure and we didn't want to get lost as we have to leave that night. One of the guy who work there as he was explaining, he winked at me. Paris men are really straight forward. It's flattering knowing that other nationality do fancy you. 

Please, don't listen to what people say about a place because you might experience something different. Keep an open mind and smile.